A Pillow talk with GOD…

Dear God,

If at all u browse the net, if at all u come across my blog, if at all you happen to read this post, please give a few moments to think about what I am going to say…

I am very ordinary person, from very ordinary world. I don’t know how many people in this world think I am special to them. I know u exist but, I never thought of u as God. I thought of u as a person sitting beside me in the lonely bench in the park, having a nice little chat with me in the evening, about how things are going in my life…

All I ask is one small thing from u, little more happiness. I am not complaining, but just asking for something little more…. Well, it is a big thing, you may say. It is indeed. It’s 1.30 in the midnight & unable to sleep. I went to bed, and just like every other night I think about stuff… stuff….& more stuff…. what happened and what didn’t... In both cases, I wonder why it is so…. I never got an answer before I went to sleep unknowingly. And when I sleep, I get these dreams, both happy and sad, both sweet and nightmares. Sometimes, I wake up suddenly, not wanting to think about the bad thing I was dreaming. Sometimes, going back and trying to get some more sleep so that I can dream of that wonderful thing I dreamt about just minutes back.  Tonight, I’m unable to sleep. I kept thinking about how things are ‘unfurling’ around my life... I kept thinking about why I’m unable to do anything about it. I still haven’t got any answer for that.

Every time I feel like quitting, I have this urge to fight, again with full sincerity. But I do break down like now. I don’t know if it is okay to break like this. I feel very easily broken inside sometimes, and I don’t know, if it okay to feel like that. I rarely showed my sad part to anyone, and I have heard many people say that I never get so sad, or that I never grudge on people. I never show that out, because, for me it is the hardest thing to do…

When will I ever wake up on a day to hear a sweet surprise? I want a number of sweet surprises; just like I give to the people I love, like I make them feel so special. The other day, I phoned one of my friends to wish Happy Birthday. That person kept on saying in a so excited way, how happy it was to hear my voice wishing on the b’day. I do that to lot many people lot many times; because I know what it feels like not to be special….

Why are you not letting this happen to me? Are you reading this line? Or you too skip reading those long posts and read only those short posts in the blogs? Just give me one break. And let me know that it is a break! I want to be selfish. Make me selfish. Make me think of myself. Before I go & try to get some sleep tonight, I’d like to ask you, why can’t I have at least one sweet surprise tomorrow that will change my whole life? That will change the way a couple of people see me now.

God, I m not complaining about my life, nor I m saying that there are many obstacles in my life or I am very depressed… I know it’s just that I m passing though a bad phase…. There are always 2 sides of a coin, a good & another bad side… It’s just that at present the coin is on the bad side…
Hope you can understand how I feel now, in the middle of this night. Hope you give some thought about this….

Lastly, I want to say one more thing…If any of my friends get irritated or have a fight with me then later that day I feel so bad that my mind goes numb, my heart feels heavy, and I start hating and blaming myself for whatever happened. I would at that moment give-up anything to have that friend of mine back. I am saying this because I have a feeling that one of my friends is angry or irritated by me lately and I am still feeling bad about it. I hope that my view of the situation is wrong and she is not at all angry with me or even if she was, she has already forgiven me.

Good night God… J